Wednesday, September 28, 2011

writing adventure 33- Amanirenas story beginning

I want to start out the story with being in the present and third person, and then move on into the rest of it, so this is pretty much what it'll be like
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     Renidas sat on the floor outside the queen's chambers. He could barely hear over the rustling of his own fabric, but he struggled to listen for signs of life. The queen was sick; in a way she had been sick since the war, since pieces of her life began to fall away. Many saw it, but no one told her they saw. Maybe that was the problem.
     The door opened and Renidas steadied himself before he fell back into the doorway.
     "You are content to sit on the floor all day, listening to my soft sighs. If I were any other woman, I'd be flattered."
     Renidas scrambled to his feet, saluted quickly, and cleared his throat. "My queen," he said. Her eyes misted up and he could almost see what she remembered– a husband, long dead, calling her that name every day of his short life.
     Amanirenas shrugged off the memory, her heart heavy and tired in her chest. She beckoned Renidas to come inside, and together they sat by the window in her master chambers. "I want to tell you something very important, Renidas," she said to him, her voice still strong even in her body's weakness.
     "Anything, my queen. I am here to listen."
     "I am going to die soon. Of course, this isn't news to anyone, but with circumstances the way they are, I must choose a successor."
     "I understand," he said, even though he didn't. Just forty-four, Amanirenas had years left in her rule, but her soul would not allow her more time.
     "I have no more family, Renidas. That was one thing the Romans did take." He studied her when she said this, and wondered if this was the same woman he met fifteen years ago. "But," she added, "when I needed a son, you were that son. When I needed a soldier, you were that soldier. And, I believe, if I ever needed a husband it would have been you."
     Renidas paled, confused. She laughed at his expression. "Don't worry, I have never loved another man but Teriteqas. I was simply stating you would have taken that punishment quite stoically."
     He smiled. "No punishment, my queen."
     "Amanirenas," she said, frustrated. Renidas saw a glimmer of what once was. "My name is Amanirenas. We will be equals soon, and that it was you shall call me."
     "Equals?"
     "Yes, Renidas. You are my successor, and now officially the crowned prince of all Kush."
     The one-time palace guard and now almost king sat dumbstruck. She was not old enough for sickness that attacks the brain, he reasoned, but still he could not believe what she had said. "Why?" he managed to choke out.
     "You were there," she stated simply. "You've heard the speeches, and seen the bloodshed. You were on that island during the treaty. There are many reasons."
     "How can a low palace guard with no blood ties follow the greatest queen Kush has ever seen?" he whispered.
     "I was far from great." Her voice was harsh and bitter. "Let me tell you what I was. Let me tell you my reign."
     "Please," he said, softening the mood. "Start from the beginning."
     Queen Amanirenas sighed, and began from the beginning. "The night was warm when my father died. . ."

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